Is there anyone online who I can talk to at the moment that knows stuff about suicide?

I been feeling depressed a lot lately because one of my best friends just commit suicide a few weeks ago & I just cant take it. Me & her were very good friends and I was just about to ask her if she wanted to go out with me in a text message but i got a message saying goodbye forever and she never texted back... so i found out from her parents. I think its all my fault I should of just sent the message but i erased it and put something else. I told my mom if i could stay home from school for a few days to cope and she let me but im cant take it anymore. i just really wanna die (since its my fault). I'm 14 by the way and she was the same age. I really need someone to talk to. I don't feel like calling the suicidal hotline because i dont want my parents to read the bill and find out i called them. i wish someone could just listen to me or convince me that suicide isn't worth is .. because right now i might just do something stupid since. i already been cutting & im kinda tried of that i could hang my self but that will hurt.. please help.